I really enjoyed your take on the tale of the goblin city! What a cool idea to make the Rakshasis creatures that chose beauty and goodness over their natural and somewhat grotesque goblin forms and I thought your descriptions of the different animals they chose to morph into gave great insight into what they valued and how they spent their daily lives. Having an annual sacrifice in order for the Rakshasis to avoid any unnecessary bloodshed was a nice way to depict their docile nature while still explaining the principles upon which their magic functioned. Comparing them to vampires was another clever way in which you established the duality of the creatures natures. Although they were perhaps created to be vicious and bloodthirsty, they actively fight this uncontrollable nature which makes them quite dynamic. I think one thing you could add is perhaps a bit of dialogue between the Rakshasis and the sailors. Perhaps you could explain how the sailors convinced the Rakshasis to divulge the secrets of their power? I appreciate that you stayed true to your interpretation wherein the goblins were good creatures and rather than let the wicked men escape, they were used to now permanently sustain the Rakshasis way of life.
I wanted to say that your website looks great. It is nice, clean, and simple. I personally really like that style, so your website was very eye appealing to me.
Now diving into your story, I think that you stuck closely to the original storyline, and you translated the original story into a more modern language beautifully. However, I do have some suggestions. In the layout of the actual paragraphs there are some spacing issues. In between some paragraphs there are too many spaces, and in between others there are no spaces, so I would suggest making some changes to the format to make it more uniform. My last suggestion would be to perhaps add in some dialogues just to give more insight to the characters' thoughts. With that being said, I also understand people have different writing styles and writing in third person might be yours. Overall, I thought your version of the original story was great.
Hunter, I like the change in perspective and justification of the rakshasis' diet - yes, they eat men, but in this case, it's okay because the men are evil and impure. Usually rakshasis are portrayed as evil beings, with their own selfish purposes driving their actions (eating men), but in this case, the rakshasis, even though that's what their diet restricts them to, are morally conflicted until they discover the sailors' evil plan. How ungrateful do you have to be to take advantage of the kindness of strangers like that! I guess that's human nature, and it was displayed succinctly in your story. It's satisfying when an evil character(s) get their just desserts!
I think some dialogue would really increase the depth the characters - it would anthropomorphize the rakshasis more while decreasing the humanity of the sailors, providing a striking juxtaposition: these monsters, in their attempt to become more human, eat monster-like humans to do so. Excellent story!
Hunter,, I enjoyed the controversial angel that you took. Different angels always provide an opportunity to look at a situation from a different perspective. However, I wonder if there is a more balanced way to depict the sailors, not necessarily making them less evil, but portraying them in such a way that it is understandable why the Rakshasis allowed themselves to be taken advantage of.
Essentially, get rid of the idiot balls, don't make the rakshasis gullible and don't make the sailors so transparently malevolent and foolish. I'm also confused as to what type of story you are trying to write. The language, level of detail, and lack of dialogue make it seem like a moralizing fable, but some of the language choices and the lack of a clear lesson contradict this.
I know I've been harsh, but try to see this from my angel; Komi San wa Cumyoshou didn't update yesterday, I love Yoo is on hiatus, and I got hit by a car, so if it seems like I'm in a bad mood, I am.
This is an interesting take on the story of the Rakshasis. For me, it raises one very big question that I wish was addressed more thoroughly: why can the Rakshasis derive sustenance from one of their own in the form of a human? Is it just the human shape they need? Or is their magic so powerful that they actually are biologically human, in some sense, when they transform? Do they feed off of human flesh, or something more spiritual, like the soul or some kind of life energy? Maybe these things aren’t important for the way you see this story, and that’s fine, but for me these were big questions that I wanted to hear more about from you in the text.
And I agree with AsianSmith and Eric Green – some dialogue and a more stylized tone from the narrator might help bring the story together further.
Hello Hunter!! Well, you changed that story in some interesting ways! I actually liked that you created a reason as to why the she goblins had to eat human flesh. To be able to sustain their power. Great idea. It was also fun to see how the men were turned from the innocent characters in the original story. Now they are the characters that are mean and foul, despite the women being the Rakshasis. This may be the only part that kind of confused me. They seemed so so nice to be Rakshasis. I would love to know in the Authors Note why you chose this route. It's a little hard to read good feedback and not have the story available to reference. I remember while reading the story that you kept it simple, but I enjoyed the changes that you implemented.
Hey Hunter! I like how you changed up the story and made it your own! The concept of the Rakshasis' has interested me and I enjoyed how you changed it up and made it vital for them to eat humans in order to maintain their transformation abilities. I like the concept that there is a limit to the amount of magic you have; therefore, not making people invincible. I also enjoyed the rhyming within your story. I also liked how the Rakshasis did not want to kill the humans. They were actually going to let them go without any harm, but of course mankind ruined things and got themselves killed by trying to be selfish. What made you want to change the Rakshasis to where they did not want to kill the men right away? One thing I would recommend to you is that make sure you add a picture within the text. The story was full of great text, but to make it a much more enjoyable read, you should add a picture or a few pictures so readers such as myself can get a better visual of the story. Overall, your story was great!
As for layout, I really like how simple (yet not too simple) it is. My only suggestion (which I'm not even sure if you can change because I realize some layout templates are like that) would be to enlarge or bold your "home" or "story 1" tabs OR maybe change the color of that bar they are located on. I actually had a hard time finding it at first. I think because the font is simple and the bar is clear, it is easy to miss. Of course, this could have been me but if I had this issue others might too! Another suggestion might be to bold the title "Author's Note"- this is more of an aesthetic thing and not a big deal, but for the reader make it more appealing visually and the story less hard to read. Also adding a picture to your story would help visually!
As for your story, I really liked it! I liked how Man ruins things by being selfish- your readers are actually able to take away a lesson rather than just reading it! I think that kinda ties into the essence of the other stories we have read for the class (jakartas, etc).
Hey Hunter, I really enjoyed reading your story, Little Accidents! Your introductory paragraph did an excellent job of painting a vivid, lush and fruitful kingdom. I really appreciate the attention to all the little details in the kingdoms daily life, and I like the bit of foreshadow with the king wishing never to have offspring for fear of losing his power. Beautiful writing in the second paragraph, I particularly like the clever and witty line, "On top of the expected issues in a polygamous, aristocratic living arrangement..." because of it's dual purpose of transitioning the dialogue to the issues of the kingdom while also making a statement on the impracticality of marriage practices of the time. I loved your choice to make the horse sacrifice a ritual of infertility which created one pivotal difference in your telling of this story from the original and set the stakes of the situation much higher. Excellent job motivating the events of the Mahabharata to unfold through the acts of a wicked king instead of a noble one. It gives the whole epic a different feel. Why is it that King Dash decided to sacrifice rodents instead of horses? It seems to me that the king of a fruitful kingdom should be able to spare a mare or two. Perhaps he's simply so proud that he believes the gods aren't worthy of such a noble sacrifice? Or maybe the king loves horses and couldn't bare to part with any of them? I love that you made the power-hungry tyrant flee from his kingdom which leads to the foundation of democracy at the end of the story!
Hi Hunter! One note on your design - the picture on your home page is very blurry. You could try a different picture, or just going to the source of that picture and downloading it instead of downloading it straight from google. The story itself could also use a bit of clarity. You introduce two kings, then go on talking about "the king". Specify which king you are talking about. Also, try to make it more clear that in King Dash's kingdom, there is widespread poverty outside of the castle. Otherwise it is unclear as to why the people would be seeking food and water from the castle. It's an interesting twist to have royalty who very vehemently don't want children. Usually finding an appropriate successor is very important in Hindu stories. You should look into a horse sacrifice - they don't actually kill the horse. The Home page and the first page should be different. The home page should introduce the portfolio and give context. Then the story can go on the first story page. Also, don't put the first story again at the bottom of the page for the second story. I hope this feedback is helpful!
Hi Hunter, I like the way you introduced your story "Little Accidents" and the two kingdoms! I feel like it really set the stage for your portfolio.You did a great job with details and it was very well written. The part about the sacrifice was so interesting and I feel like you used so much creativity! I really liked your take on Goblin City! Seeing that the goblins felt guilt over their sacrifices gives them new depth as characters! It was nice to see that they weren't all evil and tried to find new source of power.I feel like you made them seem more intelligent than in the original story and I liked that. I really liked how the sailors turned out to be evil and deserve their punishment. It also solved the Goblins problems. One thing I think could use a little more explanation is why they had to tell the sailors about their powers. I'm guessing it's because they saw them but I think this could be more clear. Overall great stories!
WWW COMMENT: Hey Hunter, I liked the background that you added to your story. I find that a lot of the stories that are being used in other’s storybooks are over characters that we do not have much information about. So, it was really nice that you explained to your readers who the characters in your story were and their background. I liked how you added a modern twist to your story by changing some of the names of your characters. If I had to critique your story, I would say maybe add some dialogue to your characters. It helps to keep the story more engaging. Also, I noticed for both of your stories you had the same image. I would say maybe add another image to your storybook instead of using the same one. Overall, I really liked your story and can’t wait to read more of your work.
Hi Hunter! So right off the bat, there are some issues with your page layout on the first home page. I am super picky about all of this though so if you think what I am saying is garbage then just ignore me. So first of all, I think your text could be a bit bigger. That and there are more spaces between the paragraphs than need be? I do not know if that was like a style thing or what but it makes the whole page really jumpy. Then the image. Oh, the image. It is too low a resolution to be that big and the image is HUGE. I would definitely choose another image and make it way smaller and maybe even align it to the right or left of the text!
Hey Hunter! I was not expecting any of the endings in your two stories, and I enjoyed what you did with them, especially the first where not only did the people of Koshala get rid of democracy, but the chance that 'Ramo' could be king. I was engaged by how you re-shaped the stories, not only to give them completely different endings, but, in the case of the last one, to make us root for characters that were originally villains. Regarding the images, I would only comment that the one you chose for 'Little Accidents' is very blurry and for me it actually takes away from the rest of the layout. Maybe even making it a bit smaller could help. Perhaps you might also add an image for the second story as well, especially one that was more directly related to your story. Overall though, I am really looking forward to seeing how you twist the next story!
Hey Hunter, I think the idea of your portfolio is really cool. I enjoy it when people completely forgo the original text and come up with something now, but it is very refreshing to see someone do the opposite. I like the fact that you normally try to make the plot opposite from what the original was. Doing that allows you to keep the essence of the tale or the story nearly intact while still adding your own flair to it. This also completely takes by surprise, the way your stories did. Going into your stories being able to recognize where you were getting your inspiration from and still being entirely puzzles by the end was an experience on its own. I did enjoy your stories but if I may, I would like to make some suggestions. I think it would be better if you changed your homepage to only be a description of the portfolio instead of that and your first story. I was reading your intro and I got a bit confused when it led straight into your first story without any discernible gaps in between. I think changing that, and maybe finding better quality pics would improve your portfolio a lot.
Hey Hunter! I really enjoyed reading your story titled Goblinettes, from the collection of “What Really Happened in Goblin City.” First, I loved the banner image you chose. It is a beautiful; image of the cliffside landscape and alluring enough to draw the reader in, wondering what the setting is going to be; as you stated, an “island off the Southern tip of India.” I loved the story of the Ramayana when we read it, so I already knew I would really enjoy reading your story. I really liked how you had the selfish traits of the king and his wives unfold into a manifestation of shame that eventually exposed them to the public and eventually had them drive themselves out of the kingdom. I think your story included a great lesson of morale and the importance of pure and true intentions. The only suggestion I would like to make is adding onto the ending! I would love to read more and find out how Koshala continued under Ramo’s rule.
Hi Hunter! Wow great job with the layout of your site. I appreciated how easy it was to navigate through everything. I really enjoyed reading your story about the Goblinettes. I think after reading the original versions that we read of these stories I was kind of left wanting more. That's why I appreciated your version that went a little more in depth into these characters and filled in a lot of the gaps that were left from the previous versions. How fun that these ending were so different from the originals but still stayed true to a lot of what I loved from the original version. Great job! I hope that I get to read more of your stories in the future. Good luck with the rest of the semester!
I will start by saying I liked the design and layout of your site. On the first page, I was a little confused because it looked like an introduction but it went on and on and I ended up seeing a bibliography section. Was your first story meant to be on the intro page? I did not see a title so I wasn't completely sure. Even if it was, maybe giving some more notice this is the background would be helpful because I was kind of confused. I still enjoyed the story! Secondly, I would either reduce the size of your images (they look like they're XLARGE maybe?) or pick clearer images. They look good but the blurriness kind of takes away from it. Your 'Goblinettes' story was great! I liked how you were able to give personality descriptions of the characters just by their actions and the overall 'lesson' of the story. Also the title was cute lol.
I really enjoyed reading your stories. You had great use of images, but some seemed blurry which takes away from allowing readers to see the beauty of the pictures, so it might be beneficial to find some that come out less grainy. It was simple to navigate throughout your website which is fantastic. I noticed on the first page you kind of had two separate things going on with the home page explanation of your website and what readers are to expect. I would suggest separating the comment wall with the brief website overview from the story you provided on the first page as well. I think your author's notes did a good job at explaining the original stories, but it was very hard to grasp the relation and connection withe story you produced. The author's note is a great way to merge the stories you write with the original and drive home the main changes and overall importance of the stories. I think expanding on what changes you made and why you made those changes would be extremely beneficial. Overall you did a good job and I can't wait to read more of your stories.
Glad the randomizer brought me back to your website. I don't remember how the layout was two months ago but it seems a little different, especially in regards to the Author's Note. It looks like there were some copy/pasting errors, maybe? The same story about King Dash and King Jana is repeated at every story. A bit confusing, especially when the intro on the home page launched into that story.
I remember reading "Goblinettes" while it was still on your blog! I like the small clarification changes and additions. It really emphasizes that the men were the villains and the rakshasis, contrary to how they're portrayed in traditional Indian stories, were actually the "good guys," or at least justified in their actions. This really fits in with the theme of your portfolio - ALMOST Indian Epics. Great job!
I just finished reading your story "Goblinettes," and I really enjoyed your take on the original story. This is actually the first story telling post I made way back in January, so the city of goblins holds a special place in my heart. One of the things I really liked about your story was how you told a story where the goblins weren't just monsters and the bad guys in this story. The inclusion of the annual sacrifice and how the goblins saved the men from sea gave the goblins some characterization. Lastly, I enjoyed the ending a great deal. Personally, I don't like to stray too far from the source material, so I was waiting in anticipation for the flying horse to come save the men, so when all the men died in your story I was completely shocked. Great twist and great read and I can't wait to read more!
Reading your story "Beautiful Hare" I am quite happy to see that the story events were used efficiently, you'd be surprised how rare that is. The events of the story are relatively simple, four people act charitably, but only one person is actually charitable, and so only that person receives any attention. It was good that the story explained how each charity was sabotaged, as well as why each character chose the charity that he/she did. The politician did it on a political issue, the actress chose a beauty issue, and musician chooses a musical charity, these choices are a good example of show don’t tell and help establish the “antagonist’s” character, and are an efficient use of events aside from the basic requirement of moving the plot. However, I do take issue with the main character’s introduction. it would be more effective to show her being charitable, humorous, sophisticated and beautiful, rather than just stating it outright. Maybe something like “She spent her time off work feeding the poor, at least that was this week. Last week she was volunteering at the hospital, and the week before she was granting children's last wishes.” Admittedly, it would make the story very long to establish each of her traits, but heyo, that’s writing. Maybe you could do it more efficiently than me anyways.
Hey Hunter,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your take on the tale of the goblin city! What a cool idea to make the Rakshasis creatures that chose beauty and goodness over their natural and somewhat grotesque goblin forms and I thought your descriptions of the different animals they chose to morph into gave great insight into what they valued and how they spent their daily lives. Having an annual sacrifice in order for the Rakshasis to avoid any unnecessary bloodshed was a nice way to depict their docile nature while still explaining the principles upon which their magic functioned. Comparing them to vampires was another clever way in which you established the duality of the creatures natures. Although they were perhaps created to be vicious and bloodthirsty, they actively fight this uncontrollable nature which makes them quite dynamic. I think one thing you could add is perhaps a bit of dialogue between the Rakshasis and the sailors. Perhaps you could explain how the sailors convinced the Rakshasis to divulge the secrets of their power? I appreciate that you stayed true to your interpretation wherein the goblins were good creatures and rather than let the wicked men escape, they were used to now permanently sustain the Rakshasis way of life.
Howdy Hunter,
ReplyDeleteI wanted to say that your website looks great. It is nice, clean, and simple. I personally really like that style, so your website was very eye appealing to me.
Now diving into your story, I think that you stuck closely to the original storyline, and you translated the original story into a more modern language beautifully. However, I do have some suggestions. In the layout of the actual paragraphs there are some spacing issues. In between some paragraphs there are too many spaces, and in between others there are no spaces, so I would suggest making some changes to the format to make it more uniform. My last suggestion would be to perhaps add in some dialogues just to give more insight to the characters' thoughts. With that being said, I also understand people have different writing styles and writing in third person might be yours. Overall, I thought your version of the original story was great.
Hunter, I like the change in perspective and justification of the rakshasis' diet - yes, they eat men, but in this case, it's okay because the men are evil and impure. Usually rakshasis are portrayed as evil beings, with their own selfish purposes driving their actions (eating men), but in this case, the rakshasis, even though that's what their diet restricts them to, are morally conflicted until they discover the sailors' evil plan. How ungrateful do you have to be to take advantage of the kindness of strangers like that! I guess that's human nature, and it was displayed succinctly in your story. It's satisfying when an evil character(s) get their just desserts!
ReplyDeleteI think some dialogue would really increase the depth the characters - it would anthropomorphize the rakshasis more while decreasing the humanity of the sailors, providing a striking juxtaposition: these monsters, in their attempt to become more human, eat monster-like humans to do so. Excellent story!
Hunter,, I enjoyed the controversial angel that you took. Different angels always provide an opportunity to look at a situation from a different perspective. However, I wonder if there is a more balanced way to depict the sailors, not necessarily making them less evil, but portraying them in such a way that it is understandable why the Rakshasis allowed themselves to be taken advantage of.
ReplyDeleteEssentially, get rid of the idiot balls, don't make the rakshasis gullible and don't make the sailors so transparently malevolent and foolish. I'm also confused as to what type of story you are trying to write. The language, level of detail, and lack of dialogue make it seem like a moralizing fable, but some of the language choices and the lack of a clear lesson contradict this.
I know I've been harsh, but try to see this from my angel; Komi San wa Cumyoshou didn't update yesterday, I love Yoo is on hiatus, and I got hit by a car, so if it seems like I'm in a bad mood, I am.
Hi Hunter,
ReplyDeleteThis is an interesting take on the story of the Rakshasis. For me, it raises one very big question that I wish was addressed more thoroughly: why can the Rakshasis derive sustenance from one of their own in the form of a human? Is it just the human shape they need? Or is their magic so powerful that they actually are biologically human, in some sense, when they transform? Do they feed off of human flesh, or something more spiritual, like the soul or some kind of life energy? Maybe these things aren’t important for the way you see this story, and that’s fine, but for me these were big questions that I wanted to hear more about from you in the text.
And I agree with AsianSmith and Eric Green – some dialogue and a more stylized tone from the narrator might help bring the story together further.
Thanks,
A.M.
Hello Hunter!! Well, you changed that story in some interesting ways! I actually liked that you created a reason as to why the she goblins had to eat human flesh. To be able to sustain their power. Great idea. It was also fun to see how the men were turned from the innocent characters in the original story. Now they are the characters that are mean and foul, despite the women being the Rakshasis. This may be the only part that kind of confused me. They seemed so so nice to be Rakshasis. I would love to know in the Authors Note why you chose this route. It's a little hard to read good feedback and not have the story available to reference. I remember while reading the story that you kept it simple, but I enjoyed the changes that you implemented.
ReplyDeleteHey Hunter! I like how you changed up the story and made it your own! The concept of the Rakshasis' has interested me and I enjoyed how you changed it up and made it vital for them to eat humans in order to maintain their transformation abilities. I like the concept that there is a limit to the amount of magic you have; therefore, not making people invincible. I also enjoyed the rhyming within your story. I also liked how the Rakshasis did not want to kill the humans. They were actually going to let them go without any harm, but of course mankind ruined things and got themselves killed by trying to be selfish. What made you want to change the Rakshasis to where they did not want to kill the men right away? One thing I would recommend to you is that make sure you add a picture within the text. The story was full of great text, but to make it a much more enjoyable read, you should add a picture or a few pictures so readers such as myself can get a better visual of the story. Overall, your story was great!
ReplyDeleteHunter-
ReplyDeleteAs for layout, I really like how simple (yet not too simple) it is. My only suggestion (which I'm not even sure if you can change because I realize some layout templates are like that) would be to enlarge or bold your "home" or "story 1" tabs OR maybe change the color of that bar they are located on. I actually had a hard time finding it at first. I think because the font is simple and the bar is clear, it is easy to miss. Of course, this could have been me but if I had this issue others might too! Another suggestion might be to bold the title "Author's Note"- this is more of an aesthetic thing and not a big deal, but for the reader make it more appealing visually and the story less hard to read. Also adding a picture to your story would help visually!
As for your story, I really liked it! I liked how Man ruins things by being selfish- your readers are actually able to take away a lesson rather than just reading it! I think that kinda ties into the essence of the other stories we have read for the class (jakartas, etc).
Hey Hunter, I really enjoyed reading your story, Little Accidents! Your introductory paragraph did an excellent job of painting a vivid, lush and fruitful kingdom. I really appreciate the attention to all the little details in the kingdoms daily life, and I like the bit of foreshadow with the king wishing never to have offspring for fear of losing his power. Beautiful writing in the second paragraph, I particularly like the clever and witty line, "On top of the expected issues in a polygamous, aristocratic living arrangement..." because of it's dual purpose of transitioning the dialogue to the issues of the kingdom while also making a statement on the impracticality of marriage practices of the time. I loved your choice to make the horse sacrifice a ritual of infertility which created one pivotal difference in your telling of this story from the original and set the stakes of the situation much higher. Excellent job motivating the events of the Mahabharata to unfold through the acts of a wicked king instead of a noble one. It gives the whole epic a different feel. Why is it that King Dash decided to sacrifice rodents instead of horses? It seems to me that the king of a fruitful kingdom should be able to spare a mare or two. Perhaps he's simply so proud that he believes the gods aren't worthy of such a noble sacrifice? Or maybe the king loves horses and couldn't bare to part with any of them? I love that you made the power-hungry tyrant flee from his kingdom which leads to the foundation of democracy at the end of the story!
ReplyDeleteHi Hunter! One note on your design - the picture on your home page is very blurry. You could try a different picture, or just going to the source of that picture and downloading it instead of downloading it straight from google. The story itself could also use a bit of clarity. You introduce two kings, then go on talking about "the king". Specify which king you are talking about. Also, try to make it more clear that in King Dash's kingdom, there is widespread poverty outside of the castle. Otherwise it is unclear as to why the people would be seeking food and water from the castle. It's an interesting twist to have royalty who very vehemently don't want children. Usually finding an appropriate successor is very important in Hindu stories. You should look into a horse sacrifice - they don't actually kill the horse.
ReplyDeleteThe Home page and the first page should be different. The home page should introduce the portfolio and give context. Then the story can go on the first story page. Also, don't put the first story again at the bottom of the page for the second story. I hope this feedback is helpful!
Hi Hunter,
ReplyDeleteI like the way you introduced your story "Little Accidents" and the two kingdoms! I feel like it really set the stage for your portfolio.You did a great job with details and it was very well written. The part about the sacrifice was so interesting and I feel like you used so much creativity! I really liked your take on Goblin City! Seeing that the goblins felt guilt over their sacrifices gives them new depth as characters! It was nice to see that they weren't all evil and tried to find new source of power.I feel like you made them seem more intelligent than in the original story and I liked that. I really liked how the sailors turned out to be evil and deserve their punishment. It also solved the Goblins problems. One thing I think could use a little more explanation is why they had to tell the sailors about their powers. I'm guessing it's because they saw them but I think this could be more clear. Overall great stories!
WWW COMMENT:
ReplyDeleteHey Hunter,
I liked the background that you added to your story. I find that a lot of the stories that are being used in other’s storybooks are over characters that we do not have much information about. So, it was really nice that you explained to your readers who the characters in your story were and their background. I liked how you added a modern twist to your story by changing some of the names of your characters. If I had to critique your story, I would say maybe add some dialogue to your characters. It helps to keep the story more engaging. Also, I noticed for both of your stories you had the same image. I would say maybe add another image to your storybook instead of using the same one. Overall, I really liked your story and can’t wait to read more of your work.
Hi Hunter! So right off the bat, there are some issues with your page layout on the first home page. I am super picky about all of this though so if you think what I am saying is garbage then just ignore me. So first of all, I think your text could be a bit bigger. That and there are more spaces between the paragraphs than need be? I do not know if that was like a style thing or what but it makes the whole page really jumpy. Then the image. Oh, the image. It is too low a resolution to be that big and the image is HUGE. I would definitely choose another image and make it way smaller and maybe even align it to the right or left of the text!
ReplyDeleteHey Hunter!
ReplyDeleteI was not expecting any of the endings in your two stories, and I enjoyed what you did with them, especially the first where not only did the people of Koshala get rid of democracy, but the chance that 'Ramo' could be king. I was engaged by how you re-shaped the stories, not only to give them completely different endings, but, in the case of the last one, to make us root for characters that were originally villains. Regarding the images, I would only comment that the one you chose for 'Little Accidents' is very blurry and for me it actually takes away from the rest of the layout. Maybe even making it a bit smaller could help. Perhaps you might also add an image for the second story as well, especially one that was more directly related to your story. Overall though, I am really looking forward to seeing how you twist the next story!
Hey Hunter, I think the idea of your portfolio is really cool. I enjoy it when people completely forgo the original text and come up with something now, but it is very refreshing to see someone do the opposite. I like the fact that you normally try to make the plot opposite from what the original was. Doing that allows you to keep the essence of the tale or the story nearly intact while still adding your own flair to it. This also completely takes by surprise, the way your stories did. Going into your stories being able to recognize where you were getting your inspiration from and still being entirely puzzles by the end was an experience on its own. I did enjoy your stories but if I may, I would like to make some suggestions. I think it would be better if you changed your homepage to only be a description of the portfolio instead of that and your first story. I was reading your intro and I got a bit confused when it led straight into your first story without any discernible gaps in between. I think changing that, and maybe finding better quality pics would improve your portfolio a lot.
ReplyDeleteHey Hunter! I really enjoyed reading your story titled Goblinettes, from the collection of “What Really Happened in Goblin City.” First, I loved the banner image you chose. It is a beautiful; image of the cliffside landscape and alluring enough to draw the reader in, wondering what the setting is going to be; as you stated, an “island off the Southern tip of India.” I loved the story of the Ramayana when we read it, so I already knew I would really enjoy reading your story. I really liked how you had the selfish traits of the king and his wives unfold into a manifestation of shame that eventually exposed them to the public and eventually had them drive themselves out of the kingdom. I think your story included a great lesson of morale and the importance of pure and true intentions. The only suggestion I would like to make is adding onto the ending! I would love to read more and find out how Koshala continued under Ramo’s rule.
ReplyDeleteHi Hunter! Wow great job with the layout of your site. I appreciated how easy it was to navigate through everything. I really enjoyed reading your story about the Goblinettes. I think after reading the original versions that we read of these stories I was kind of left wanting more. That's why I appreciated your version that went a little more in depth into these characters and filled in a lot of the gaps that were left from the previous versions. How fun that these ending were so different from the originals but still stayed true to a lot of what I loved from the original version. Great job! I hope that I get to read more of your stories in the future. Good luck with the rest of the semester!
ReplyDeleteHi Hunter!
ReplyDeleteI will start by saying I liked the design and layout of your site. On the first page, I was a little confused because it looked like an introduction but it went on and on and I ended up seeing a bibliography section. Was your first story meant to be on the intro page? I did not see a title so I wasn't completely sure. Even if it was, maybe giving some more notice this is the background would be helpful because I was kind of confused. I still enjoyed the story! Secondly, I would either reduce the size of your images (they look like they're XLARGE maybe?) or pick clearer images. They look good but the blurriness kind of takes away from it. Your 'Goblinettes' story was great! I liked how you were able to give personality descriptions of the characters just by their actions and the overall 'lesson' of the story. Also the title was cute lol.
Hunter,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your stories. You had great use of images, but some seemed blurry which takes away from allowing readers to see the beauty of the pictures, so it might be beneficial to find some that come out less grainy. It was simple to navigate throughout your website which is fantastic. I noticed on the first page you kind of had two separate things going on with the home page explanation of your website and what readers are to expect. I would suggest separating the comment wall with the brief website overview from the story you provided on the first page as well. I think your author's notes did a good job at explaining the original stories, but it was very hard to grasp the relation and connection withe story you produced. The author's note is a great way to merge the stories you write with the original and drive home the main changes and overall importance of the stories. I think expanding on what changes you made and why you made those changes would be extremely beneficial. Overall you did a good job and I can't wait to read more of your stories.
Hey Hunter,
ReplyDeleteGlad the randomizer brought me back to your website. I don't remember how the layout was two months ago but it seems a little different, especially in regards to the Author's Note. It looks like there were some copy/pasting errors, maybe? The same story about King Dash and King Jana is repeated at every story. A bit confusing, especially when the intro on the home page launched into that story.
I remember reading "Goblinettes" while it was still on your blog! I like the small clarification changes and additions. It really emphasizes that the men were the villains and the rakshasis, contrary to how they're portrayed in traditional Indian stories, were actually the "good guys," or at least justified in their actions. This really fits in with the theme of your portfolio - ALMOST Indian Epics. Great job!
Hey Hunter,
ReplyDeleteI just finished reading your story "Goblinettes," and I really enjoyed your take on the original story. This is actually the first story telling post I made way back in January, so the city of goblins holds a special place in my heart. One of the things I really liked about your story was how you told a story where the goblins weren't just monsters and the bad guys in this story. The inclusion of the annual sacrifice and how the goblins saved the men from sea gave the goblins some characterization. Lastly, I enjoyed the ending a great deal. Personally, I don't like to stray too far from the source material, so I was waiting in anticipation for the flying horse to come save the men, so when all the men died in your story I was completely shocked. Great twist and great read and I can't wait to read more!
Hey hey Hunter,,
ReplyDeleteReading your story "Beautiful Hare" I am quite happy to see that the story events were used efficiently, you'd be surprised how rare that is. The events of the story are relatively simple, four people act charitably, but only one person is actually charitable, and so only that person receives any attention. It was good that the story explained how each charity was sabotaged, as well as why each character chose the charity that he/she did. The politician did it on a political issue, the actress chose a beauty issue, and musician chooses a musical charity, these choices are a good example of show don’t tell and help establish the “antagonist’s” character, and are an efficient use of events aside from the basic requirement of moving the plot.
However, I do take issue with the main character’s introduction. it would be more effective to show her being charitable, humorous, sophisticated and beautiful, rather than just stating it outright. Maybe something like
“She spent her time off work feeding the poor, at least that was this week. Last week she was volunteering at the hospital, and the week before she was granting children's last wishes.”
Admittedly, it would make the story very long to establish each of her traits, but heyo, that’s writing. Maybe you could do it more efficiently than me anyways.